You messed up big time. Telling your daughter off on the answering machine? You should have known better that your psycho ex would leak it to the press. Come on, you know she did it. But telling your daughter she made you “feel like shit?” That’s going way too far, even for a guy known for going way too far. You already saddled her with the name Ireland, don’t make her responsible for your baggage, too.
We’ve always liked you. We slobbered over you in junior high school when you were crazy Joshua on Knots Landing. Our pre-teen minds couldn’t figure out why we liked you so much, but it was definitely something about that hairy chest and pouty lips and… ahem, anyway.
You’ve always been totally fearless in your acting, which we greatly admire and find in short supply these days. You were adorable in Beetlejuice. Your Saturday Night Live appearances were always brilliant (Shwetey Balls still cracks us up) and your role in 30 Rock is nothing short of brilliant. And, even as you’ve advanced in years and waist size, you are still a fine specimen of DNA.
Make this right so we don’t have to be ashamed of idolizing you.