Martha’s New Look

We’ve oft been accused of fanatacism when it comes to Martha Stewart. In our minds, she’s the domestic goddess, keeper of secrets to fluffy cakes and crisp linens, a font of knowledge that improves our everyday lives.

Yes, Martha’s also a bit of a nut. We once saw her on Fifth Avenue, cursing like a sailor and running down the street with a hapless assistant. So no wonder that the lady loves Halloween. Every year, she gets done up in flawless scary look for the special Halloween edition of Martha Stewart Living. This year is no disappointment. We’re going to the newsstand at lunch!

Martha Stewart Living
Halloween Special

Brenda Dickson, Superstar

Apologies in advance if you have never heard of former soap star Brenda Dickson. All you really need to know is that she’s an absolute loon and spends her spare time making videos to share her knowledge with her imagined fans.

As she says “Fashion is acquired by trying a lot of different fashions.” Words to live by.

BrendaDickson.com

Eeek! Alec Baldwin Is a Bad Dad

Dear Alec,

You messed up big time. Telling your daughter off on the answering machine? You should have known better that your psycho ex would leak it to the press. Come on, you know she did it. But telling your daughter she made you “feel like shit?” That’s going way too far, even for a guy known for going way too far. You already saddled her with the name Ireland, don’t make her responsible for your baggage, too.

We’ve always liked you. We slobbered over you in junior high school when you were crazy Joshua on Knots Landing. Our pre-teen minds couldn’t figure out why we liked you so much, but it was definitely something about that hairy chest and pouty lips and… ahem, anyway.

You’ve always been totally fearless in your acting, which we greatly admire and find in short supply these days. You were adorable in Beetlejuice. Your Saturday Night Live appearances were always brilliant (Shwetey Balls still cracks us up) and your role in 30 Rock is nothing short of brilliant. And, even as you’ve advanced in years and waist size, you are still a fine specimen of DNA.

Make this right so we don’t have to be ashamed of idolizing you.

www.tmz.com
www.tvguide.com 

Eek! It’s J.C. Chasez!

So nice of J.C. Chasez to stop by the premiere of In the Land of Women on his way to the all-you-can-eat barbecue. A movie with this much bad fashion and C-list desperadoes at the premiere is going to sink.

Eek! No pictures today!

Sorry for the lack of images today. The folks at WordPress seem to have a problem loading pictures. Now back to our regular scheduled programming.

Eek! Prada Phone Unveiled!

Am I late on this? I just saw the ad in GQ Style‘s UK edition. Why have I not heard of this in the states? Could it be because Prada has become completely irrelevant while Muiccia tries to foist jewel-toned turbans on us? Or that the phone is just a cheap iPhone knock-off? I’m sure they already have them in Chinatown.

Prada Phone by LG

Eek! Its Robbie Williams and Lindsay Blohan!

Robbie, my darling, my favorite most sexy pop idol ever. What are you thinking? You’re just out of rehab (I did love your statement that you were in for addiction to caffeine; we could be roommates) and you’re hanging out with this walking petri dish? Don’t the counselors at your rehab give you a talking-to about hanging out with known addicts? Or is that just in prison?

Robbie, my sweet, you’re getting into Carson Daly manorexia territory. You look like the undead and not in a good way. I always liked you with a bit more meat on your bones and now you’re just the bones. Why don’t you just swig down a bottle of Jack Daniels and be done with it? At least you took better pictures when you were hammered.

Holy Cow!

I have to admit that I had never heard of Paul and Jan Crouch until I caught John Stossel’s report on 20/20 about the crazy spending habits of televangelists. I know, what is this, 1986, John?

I guess that Paul and Jan are the king and queen of Trinity Broadcast Network, the biggest televangelist company in the world. Is that where Jim and Tammy Faye were? I’m not sure, but who cares? Jan blows Tammy OUT OF THE WATER with her looks.

I’m a bit sexist when it comes to fashion– men should look like bankers and women should either look like Sunday school teachers or classy streetwalkers. Its a rare woman like Jan Crouch who can do both, which is probably why she has such a close, personal relationship with God. And here’s the part that will really blow your mind– she’s 70 years old!

Sure, the Crouches aren’t perfect. They’ve lied about their income, they use donations to buy mansions and private jets and LOTS of wigs and eyelashes. Hey, you’ve got to play to the cheap seats– more makeup, more hair and a big mouth!

Forget God, I’m worshipping Jan.

www.tbn.org

Eek, Its Shauna Sands!

 

This is what being married to Lorenzo Lamas will do to a Playmate. If I remember, their divorce hearing had some mention of his parking a Harley-Davidson in the living room. It looks like he rode it across Shauna’s face, burned rubber on her lips and blew exhaust in her eyes.