Category Archives: Dumb Ass

Rudy Guiliani Is a Dumb Ass


Frankly, we’ve never cared for “America’s mayor.” He’s creepy looking, he used his position to get jobs for his ugly girlfriends and he cheated on his wife while he was in office. As far as 9/11 goes, Rudy was just in the wrong place at the right time and his handling of the disaster was what any semi-qualified politician would have done.

Now he’s come out (so to speak) as saying that he was never in favor of civil unions for gays and lesbians and is actually quite against them.

 “Mayor Giuliani believes marriage is between one man and one woman. Domestic partnerships are the appropriate way to ensure that people are treated fairly,” the Giuliani campaign said in a written response to a question from the Sun. “In this specific case the law states same sex civil unions are the equivalent of marriage and recognizes same sex unions from outside states. This goes too far and Mayor Giuliani does not support it.”

Why is it that the politicians who are rabid about the sanctity of marriage are the ones who cheat on their wives? Just another case of an idiot politician towing the party line.

The Sun 

Adam Brody Is a Dumb Ass


Dear Adam,

The Hollywood trend of starlets of both sexes dressing down to movie premieres is nothing new. Nor is young Hollywood hunks (stunks?) growing out their patchy facial hair when they’re “in-between projects.” We get it, you’re a serious actor, you don’t care about fashion and you didn’t even realize that the Us Weekly photographer was taking your picture when you were walking your new puppy.

But you’ve gone too far the wrong way. Yes, you’re cute, but you’re not that cute. See, the ugly/hotness only works when you’re actually hot. As we’ve established, you’re no Matthew McConaughey. So, at the premiere of your first and perhaps last feature film, you should be busting out the Gucci, the Armani, the shoe polish for heaven’s sake. Not featuring a suit last worn by a shop teacher and shoes that make me think there’s a barefoot bum on Hollywood Boulevard with a fresh Colt 45.


Noel Gallagher is a Dumb Ass


Aside from being an obnoxious drunk with minimal talent and maximum ego, Noel Gallagher looks totally beat-down. A massive head injury would be the only explanation for his hair-don’t. Here he is at a charity event sporting a hairdo that even Rod Stewart has given up. Spiky but full, with Liza Minelli sideburns that are just itching for a spit curl. Unless you plan on bringing the Bay City Rollers back together, get a haircut.

Basic trend rule: if you’re old enough to have done it the first time, let it pass you by the second time.

Ryan Reynolds Is a Dumb Ass


A wise woman named Linda Evans once noted that its a celebrity’s job to be a celebrity— to attend functions, to look your best and to smile when having your picture taken. Anyone who can’t do it, Evans further expounded, doesn’t deserve the success they have.

Okay, I’m paraphrasing, but she did say something to that effect and if its good enough for the woman who brought Krystle Grant Jennings Carrington to life, it should be enough for a hairy-faced gym rat not-at-all-funny pseudo-actor like Ryan Reynolds.

Ryan, you’re rich, you’re sorta-famous, your bod is smokin’, you’re single and you work in a business where people prefer that you to have nothing to say. Why so glum? Sure, a sweater vest with a tired skull motif giving the effect that you’re gunning for the lead role in Jimmy Olsen Meets the Doobie Brothers may not have been the best choice for a photo op, but there will be other photo ops. Chin up, little buddy!

Janice Dickinson Is a Dumb Ass


I’ve been reading Janice’s book No Lifeguard on Duty and I want to believe the best about her. She had a horrifying childhood and made some major mistakes as an adult. But there does come a time when you need to get your act together as an adult. That time has long since passed for the oldest living supermodel. Check out this tip:

The self-proclaimed “World’s 1st supermodel” transformed last night’s Ed Hardy fashion show into a living hell for event organizers — and she’s now been banned from future shows!

According to inside sources, Janice Dickinson refused to sit in the seat assigned to her — claiming she wasn’t close enough to the media — and instead sat in seats assigned to Fern Mallis, lead organizer of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, and Davis Factor, co-creator of Smashbox Studio. Though she was heard yelling, “I’m not moving for anyone, I don’t care who it is,” she switched seats after being reprimanded by Factor himself.

Dickinson wasn’t done causing trouble just yet though. She then trashed Ed Hardy clothing to reporters, saying “Those t-shirts are worth $5 … it only cost them $5 to make in China,” but added they may be worth money in twenty years. The model/trainwreck then caused a scene backstage when she stuck her foot in a giant tub of ice after claiming a model “broke her toe.”

Dickinson has since been requested not to attend future shows “by the powers that be” at IMG, a leading talent agency.”

What the heck is her problem?

Garrison Keillor Is a Dumb Ass


Prolific writer Garrison Keillor, who barfed out A Prarie Home Companion during a commercial break on NPR, just published a new piece on Salon taking issue with the gays, specifically the gays who need to be brought “under control.”

In the piece, Keillor marvels at the rainbow of colors and backgrounds of elementary school children today compared to when he was in school (in a log cabin, I presume). Then he goes off on this tangent about certain types of gay men who are loud and worship entertainers and have “weird little dogs” and questioning wether or not they would make fit parents.

If this pisses you off like it does me, drop a line to the editor of Salon and let them know how you feel.